I talked to the Tank the other night until the early hours of the morning.
It's something I enjoy- talking. But it was not merely talking but it was a conversation. I thought it was a honest conversation. i hope she felt the same way.
I have friends who aren't easily satisfied. It's a good thing – to want to improve, to aim higher, to grow and to improve. I think most people would like that though not many say it nor do something about it. The status quo is a comfortable cave, its fire is warm enough, its darkness masks the dangers.
My own "official" journey in self-improvement started in Secondary 2. A tuition teacher at Clementi influenced me tremendously. We talked a lot about life and a certain bloke called Edward de Bono. It was stimulating. We meet in a room, full of books, full of questions. He had his own photocopier and I used it a lot. To copy, to steal, to absorb the wisdom of people whose names I can't pronounce, whose words I hardly understand.
It was fantastic.
Self-improvement is a journey till the end, unless Alzheimer steals your brain, which is really the worst kind of theft. Since it's a never-ending quest, is there still a need to set a goal?
I believe there is, like I told the Tank. My goal is to completely express myself fully – in what I do, say and interact.
I have a lot of fear – fear of being laughed at, fear of being not good enough, fear of people. It takes a lot to overcome these fears. Sometimes I win, sometimes I don't. It's fear that prevents myself from expressing myself fully.
I believe we are all individuals with our own gifts, abilities and strengths. We have our own minds, passions and convictions. While it's important to have an open mind, it's also essential to have conviction in your own ideas and total honesty. It's impossible to be objective but honesty is still obtainable.
The world needs honest people expressing themselves fully. God forbid there be 2 Isaiahs, 2 Elvis', 2 LKYs. The world needs our individual expressions to make it better, vibrant, interesting.
How do I know when I'm fully expressing myself? These are my indicators:
1) I am honest with others without being ungracious and rude.
2) When I help others, I don't see it as help. I do it for myself.
3) I accept help from others without feeling shy nor a desire to respond in kind, except for a sincere word of thanks.
4) I dont' feel shy, embarrassed nor awkward in any social situation.
5) I laugh, cry and emote freely.
6) I do things for the sake of doing things and I enjoy it – without the need for a reward.
7) I am totally absorbed in what I do. Time flies. I'm oblivious to others and physical environments.
8) I am contented. i want nothing more.
9) I wake up everyday anticipating great things.
Wow, what a list. I'm sure there's more but its busy enough to get me started.
Tell me what's on your list.