from a company bulletin board

We can’t promise you how long we’ll be in business.

We can’t promise you that we won’t be acquired.

We can’t promise that there’ll be room for promotion.

We can’t promise that your job will exist when you reach retirement age.

We can’t promise that the money will be available for your pension.

We can’t expect your undying loyalty, and we aren’t sure we want it.

customer service like no other

New Yorker on Zappos:

On July 5th, a twenty-two-year-old C.L.T. member named Britnee Brown, who has been with the company for a little more than a year, took a call that was a record five hours, twenty-five minutes, and thirty-one seconds long, from a woman on the East Coast interested in Masai Barefoot Technology shoes, which purport to mimic supposedly salubrious barefoot-on-the-beach walking with curved rubber platforms. “We started talking about her sister,” Brown said.

Business Times’ Views from the Top

the Business Times has a weekly feature called Views from the Top, which garners opinions of top business leaders.

i shall be paying close attention to it from now on.

here is Dora Hoan, Group CEO, Best World International Ltd’s view on URA’s Leisure Plan:

We must pause to examine how liveability can be defined. And in doing so, we must see to it that it is analysed through a framework of indicators such as economic, environmental, cultural, democratic and social considerations. The plan must uplift the quality of life for our people and be fun and exciting in a manner that will also not detract or encroach on a community’s historical charm. As for businesses, we ought to be conscious of notions of corporate citizenship and corporate social responsibility relevant to enhancing liveability. A Leisure Plan will be good in so far as it encourages harmony in diversity – providing a range of cultural, community and educational services as well as business and retail activities to complete it.

there is really nothing wrong with what she said, except that it sounds impersonal and subhuman. the cover-all-bases nature of her answer must please the branding folks. the company’s website says they have a “holistic nature to physical wellness, social health and professional enrichment.” their products focus on “inner harmony, outer harmony and lifestyle harmony.” you have to admit that the answer aligns with their brand.

still, because i am a sick man, i will not attempt to make any harmony with them, i.e. buy anything they sell.

for you healthy people, do you trust a company that is so all encompassing?

the last career guide you’ll ever need

Daniel Pink, who wrote the superb A Whole New Mind, dishes out more wisdom in the manga, The Adventures of Johnny Bunko: The Last Career Guide You’ll Ever Need.

These are his 6 main ideas:

There is no plan.

Think strengths, not weaknesses.

It’s not about you.

Persistence trumps talent.

Make excellent mistakes.

Leave an imprint.

O Obama

obama08_logo350.gif

a leading graphic designer’s take on Obama’s campaign:

The thing that sort of flabbergasts me as a professional graphic designer is that, somewhere along the way, they decided that all their graphics would basically be done in the same typeface, which is this typeface called Gotham. If you look at one of his rallies, every single non-handmade sign is in that font. Every single one of them. And they’re all perfectly spaced and perfectly arranged. Trust me. I’ve done graphics for events –and I know what it takes to have rally after rally without someone saying, “Oh, we ran out of signs, let’s do a batch in Arial.” It just doesn’t seem to happen. There’s an absolute level of control that I have trouble achieving with my corporate clients.

… Every time you look, all those signs are perfect. Graphic designers like me don’t understand how it’s happening. It’s unprecedented and inconceivable to us. The people in the know are flabbergasted.

(via swissmiss)

Suze Orman

People criticize simplicity because they need to feel as though the topic is more complicated. If everything were so simple, they think their jobs could be eliminated. It’s our fear of extinction, our fear of elimination, our fear of not being important that leads us to communicate things more than we need to.

the ugliest business language

yesterday, i was reading an Accenture article and was frustrated by its writing:

New technologies are a vital component of delivering enterprise learning in a way that is cost-effective and that results in measurable improvements in workforce and business performance. There is no shortage of compelling technology-based learning approaches today, from e-learning to Web-based seminars to podcasting to simulations. The challenge most organizations face, however, is in incorporating those specific technologies within an integrated and holistic infrastructure in a way that makes sense both economically and from the standpoint of learning effectiveness. That’s not an easy job.

today, by pure coincidence, i read on FT:

This isn’t the first time I’ve singled out Accenture for its work in the jargon space. A couple of years ago, I wrote a column about its annual report, which was a perfect snapshot of the ugliest business language of the time.

a winning pitch

Businessweek:

Here is an example of a winning pitch from this year’s competition. Note that the product is not a “hot” technology, but plain old cat food with a new twist. My comments on why the pitch works so well appear in brackets.

PetPlay is introducing a line of gourmet canned cat foods with the brand name Petite Cuisine. These products look good, smell great, and taste great because they are people food for cats! [This is a catchy and memorable tagline. The opening also reflects the entrepreneur's passion for his product.] You may not want to, but you could eat it!

Research shows consumers love the products for their refreshing look and pleasant smell—and cats devour them. Petite Cuisine is 100% nutritionally complete for cats and is made from products you would buy at the meat and fish counter. The line currently has eight items including whole tuna, red snapper filets, baby shrimp, and rock crab. [The pitch demonstrates an understanding of the industry and consumers, and differentiates the product from its counterparts.]

I launched and ran Fancy Feast, the largest competitor in this space nationally and ran one of Nestle’s international pet food divisions. I know this market well. [Here's the "magic dust." In this case, the entrepreneur's experience is enough for investors to want to learn more. If he failed to highlight this part of his background, he would have missed the magic moment.]

Orders are in from Ralph’s grocery chain with additional distribution commitments totaling 500 stores. [Demonstrates some traction and demand in the marketplace.]

Capital is being raised in two stages—$500,000 in initial launch capital for 500 stores and then a round of expansion capital of $3 to $5 million for 3,000+ stores. [The entrepreneur is very specific about how he will use the funds.] Check out the samples in the back and see if you agree, too. [A little humor doesn't hurt.]

Link