Friends, I have a very important announcement to make. Starting today, I pledge allegiance to the People’s Action Party.
This means I will vote PAP in the next election, cease sending onlinecitizen articles to xxRxxN and start wearing white underpants.
Why the drastic change you might ask?
Firstly, as some of you might know, it’s 4 days 1 hour to the Rally to Restore Sanity / Fear here in the United States. I have given much thought to the merits of each campaign, Rally to Restore Sanity and the March to Keep Fear Alive and arrived at the conclusion that Fear is indeed better. Over the next post or two, I will provide a better explanation on why I am going with this “keep fearing, keep growing, and when it explodes, i hope i am dead and childless” school of thought.
Secondly, I am tired of being a loser. I’m tired of the label anti-PAP and hence being associated with homosexuals, death penalty opponents, artists, illegal hawkers, global warming believers and other losers (respect). Enough already. I crave those free tickets to NDPs, F1, Chingay and the opportunities to mingle with other white underpants wearing free riders. I yearn for the natural alliances with the innovative, independent thinkers of the PA, NTUC and the Residents’ Committees. And I demand to be seen as open – open to foreigners buying our real estate and jacking up the prices, open to rising income inequality and open to the destruction of political opponents by use of legal (used loosely) means.
Even the PAP isn’t enough to making me rich and successful. When I return, I plan to attend not one but two bible-believing, wallets overflowing churches and will keep sowing so I can be blessed with a Proverbs 31 wife who is an effortlessly succeeding and culturally mandating pop star.
Thirdly (what! you’re still reading?) and the most important reason why I am switching allegiance to the PAP is that with all the walkovers we have in our country, it will make no difference who I vote for. It’s like whether I wear a Lee or True Religion jeans, I’ll still have a fat ass. So I’m assured that even if I pledge allegiance to the PAP, I personally won’t be responsible for fueling more fear and oppression in our country.
Unfortunately, I will be writing more.
(Those March to Keep Fear Alive merchandise sure are expensive, someone send me some PAP badges and quickly!)