Notes from Brené Brown’s talk at TEDxHouston

3:12 – Connection is why we are here. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.

4:36 – Shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me that if other people know it or see it that I won’t be worthy of connection?

7:16 – People who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of love and belonging.

8:53 – The original definition of courage… (from the Latin word cur, meaning heart) was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.

9:05 – (People who believe they are worthy of love and belonging)… have very simply the courage to be imperfect.  They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others… we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly… they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were… They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful… They just talked about it being necessary.

14:46 – We numb vulnerability.

16:00 – The problem is… that you cannot selectively numb emotions… You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects and emotions… When we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness, and then we are miserable and we’re looking for purpose and meaning. And then we feel vulnerable so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.

17:12 – The other thing we do is we make everything that’s uncertain certain. Religion has gone from “I believe in faith and mystery” to “Certainty”. I’m right, you’re wrong. Shut up. That’s it.

17:40 – You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.

19:26 – This is what I’ve found – to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen, to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee… to practice gratitude and joy… and the last which I think is probably the most important is to believe we are enough because when we work from a place, I believe, that says “I am enough”, then we stop screaming and start listening, we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves. That’s all I have.


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